


Play It Back and Press Rewind

by crimsontheory



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Blow Jobs, Bottom Louis, Childhood Sweethearts, Coming of Age, M/M, Mentions of Death, Minor Character Death, Pansexual Character, Past Relationship(s), Rimming, Wakes & Funerals, it happens off screen, liam and niall are in this but only for like a split second, people were bitching about me not tagging bottom harry even though there is no bottom harry in this, rimming is my favorite i had to throw it in sorry i'm not sorry, so here you go bottom harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-01
Updated: 2016-08-01
Packaged: 2018-07-24 09:56:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7503898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crimsontheory/pseuds/crimsontheory
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry and Louis were high school sweethearts until Louis broke it off when he moved away for uni. Ten years later they both return to their small hometown for a funeral.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Play It Back and Press Rewind

**Author's Note:**

> Hi hello! I had soooo much fun writing this! I love how this turned out and I'm really proud of it. (Except for the part I really struggled with for absolutely no reason!!) And I want to give a little shoutout to the mods of this fic fest because I really enjoyed being a part of it. :))
> 
> Thank you very much a lot to both Jess and Abby for reading this over for me. They are two of the loveliest ladies in the world and I love them immense amounts. Honestly, where would I be without them?
> 
>  **Trigger Warnings:** I did put these in the tags, but I want to say a little something about it here as well. Since a funeral does take place in this fic, there are some slight mentions of death. I don't go into depth about it (or the funeral), but it does pop up a few times throughout the fic. So if that is something that makes you uncomfy, then you should probably sit this one out.
> 
> [Here](http://ireallysawanangel.tumblr.com/post/149032587649) is a little tumblr fic post that you can reblog if you'd like. And the very lovely pass-the-pencil kindly drew an absolutely beautiful sketch for me to go along with this fic which you can see [here.](http://bruleebrulee.tumblr.com/post/149005559158) (it's nsfw!)
> 
> Title is taken from DKLA by Troye Sivan.

His phone starts ringing as soon as he steps through the door of his flat. He’s just had the most excruciatingly long and tiring day at work and he is more than ready to sink into the plush cushions of his couch while stuffing his face with the leftovers of his Chinese takeout from last night that’s currently calling his name from the middle shelf of his refrigerator.

He sets his briefcase down onto the island in his kitchen and fishes out his cell phone from the front pocket. He briefly glances at the screen before swiping to accept the call and bringing it up to his ear. “Hi mum.”

“Louis.” He can immediately tell from her tone of voice, just from that one single word, that something is wrong. He stands up straighter and his heart sinks to his stomach.

“What's wrong? Are all the kids okay?” He knows only the younger set of twins still live at home with her, the others either off at uni or having lives of their own like himself. But if anything were to happen to any of them, he would be the first person his mum calls.

“Oh no sweetheart, all the kids are fine,” she pauses, takes a deep breath. “It's Mr Riley.” Louis’ heart that is still settled at the bottom of his stomach, now rolls out and onto the floor. “He died last night. Heart attack.”

Mr Riley was the guidance counselor at Louis’ secondary school and he was more like a father to him than his own father was. Louis spent more time in his office during all his years of school than in an actual classroom. He was quite the troublemaker. But Louis wasn't the only one who loved him, the entire school did. He was always smiling and cracking jokes, passing out sweets in the hallways. He was everyone's best friend.

“Wh — when is the funeral?” He asks, voice weak. Louis still spoke to Mr Riley after he graduated and went off to uni, they emailed back and forth, Louis telling him everything about his new life in the big city. He still emailed him to this day, but not as frequently as they used to. The last one he received was only last week, Louis too busy with work to find a good time to reply.

“It's this weekend. On Saturday,” she answers.

It’s Tuesday, Louis can hopefully get a train right now and make it home later tonight or tomorrow morning at the latest. Early enough to spend some time with his mum and siblings before the funeral. He pulls his iPad out from the same pocket of his briefcase that his phone was in to look up train times. “Okay. I’m looking right now to see if there are any trains going out tonight.”

“Oh Lou,” his mum says softly. “No reason for you to come so soon. You should at least finish out the work week.”

There’s a train leaving from King’s Cross in three hours, the last one of the night, that gives him just enough time to pack and make it to the station. He selects it and fills out all his information then pulls out his credit card from his wallet to pay. “Well I’m already buying my ticket, so I guess I’ll see you in a few hours.”

After Louis ends the call with his mum, he changes out of his work clothes and into a pair of joggers and a t shirt. He carelessly throws whatever he thinks he’ll need into his suitcase, if he forgets anything he can just buy it when he gets there.

On his way out of the flat, he grabs his phone, iPad, and keys off the kitchen side. He's able to hail a taxi pretty quickly, and he slides in the back telling the driver to take him to the station. While he's in the back of the cab he sends a quick text to his boss, who is now one of his best friends, telling him about what happened and that he's sorry he's having to leave on such short notice.

Unfortunately it's still the middle of rush hour in London where's it basically rush hour twenty four seven, so it's takes him quite a while to make it to the station. He tips the cabbie generously once he drops him off, and luckily it’s not too awfully crowded, so he's able to breeze through and make it to the platform with plenty of time to spare.

As he's queuing up to board the train, and taking a bite from the baguette sandwich he bought at Pret, his phone vibrates in his pocket with a text from his boss.

_ So sorry to hear that. I hope you're doing okay. Stay as long as you need, we can handle things here without you for awhile. _

There is quite a few people already on the train when Louis boards, but thankfully he is able to find a section of seats with just one other person. A girl who looks to be just a few years younger than him sits in one of the seats by the window. Her blonde hair is piled atop her head in a messy bun and gold headphones with cat ears that are plugged into the phone in her hand hold back her fringe. She smiles warmly at Louis as he takes the seat across from her. She’s quite cute and she reminds him a little of his younger sister Lottie.

The journey back to his hometown isn't too long, a little under two hours, so he decides to get some work done to pass the time. He fires up his iPad and gets right to work, trying to finish up some of the projects he's currently working on at work.

The girl across from him gets off on the second stop and before he knows it, his stop is coming up next. He shuts down his iPad, finishes drinking the last of the coffee he also bought at Pret before grabbing all of his belongings.

Once Louis is finally off the train, he heads out front for a cab. It’s far too late and he’s far too tired to keep up small talk with a cab driver, but there’s no place close enough for him to rent a car. There are no taxis waiting outside, so he uses his phone to call up one.

He hops into the back of the taxi when it arrives and tells the driver his old address. Thankfully the driver doesn’t try to talk much, just turns up the radio as soon as they hit the road. There’s not many other drivers on the road, it’s not even that late, just a little past ten, so he’s able to get home fairly quickly.

He’s actually quite glad there wasn’t anywhere near enough to the station to rent a car, because drowsiness is settling into his bones now that he’s relaxing in the backseat of the cab. It’s also been awhile since he’s last driven, never thought it was worth it to buy a car in London. He takes the Underground most days and a taxi when he’s too lazy to walk to the nearest station. He left the truck he had in high school at home when he moved for college, too many memories attached to it to get rid of it. When he realized those memories were too much to handle, he fixed it up and made sure it was still running and gave it to Fizzy for her eighteenth birthday. At least he knew it went to a good home.

When the cabbie finally pulls up in front of his old home, something warm stirs in his stomach, a feeling similar to being in his mum’s arms. He notices the light from the living room is still on, his mum must have waited up for him.

Louis pays the driver after he hands him his suitcase from where he pulled it out of the boot and heads towards the house. It's fairly quiet when he steps inside, but a few seconds later he hears the sound of little feet stomping down the stairs.

“Louis!”

He squats down and opens his arms for his little sister to run into. “Hey little fish!” It's a nickname he has called his sister Doris pretty much since she was born. Everyone calls her Dori and it always made him think of Dori from Finding Nemo, but she's always loved the nickname as well as the movie. She sucks her cheeks into her mouth and makes a fishy face. “What are you doing up so late?”

“Mum let us stay up because she knew you were coming home.”

“Well that was nice of her wasn't it?” She nods. “How have you been then? Is school going okay?”

“Yeah, I love it!” She replies excitedly.  

“Have you made lots of friends?”

“Tons!”

“And have you gotten yourself a boyfriend yet?”

“Ew no,” she wrinkles her nose and sticks her tongue out. “Boys are gross.”

“That's my girl,” he laughs and places a kiss against her forehead. “Now speaking of gross boys, where is your brother?”

She points towards the living room. “He's playing his video games.”

Louis peeks around the corner into the living room. He can see just the top of Ernest’s head poking up above the back of the couch. “Hey Ernie, your big brother is here. Are you going to come say hello?”

Ernest takes his hand off the control just long enough to wave a weak little wave over his shoulder. “Hello.”

“Well then,” Louis scoffs. “I guess he's too cool for me now. But you'll never be too cool for me will you, little fish?”

“Never,” Doris answers shaking her head.

“And that's why you're my favorite,” Louis praises. “Where is mum?”

“She's upstairs. I'll take you to her.” Doris wraps her hand around Louis’ wrist and leads him upstairs and down the hallway to his old bedroom. He gives her another big hug goodnight before she turns around and heads into her own room.

Louis leans against the door jamb of his bedroom and watches as his mum straightens the sheets on his bed. The room is exactly how he left it when he moved away at nineteen. Everything is still in its original place, it's as if he never left at all.

“Mum I haven't lived here in ten years. You could have changed my room into something else,” he says.

His mum startles a little at the sound of his voice, but then she's turning around, a smile spreading across her face when she spots Louis in the doorway. “Like what?”

“I don’t know. A dance studio or a craft room or,” he dismissively waves his hand around in the air. “Something.”

“I don’t do either of those things.” She takes one of the pillows off the bed and fluffs it up in her hands before placing it back down. “Besides, where would you sleep when you came to visit?”

Louis takes a few steps into the room and drops his bag at the foot of the bed. “I could sleep on the couch. Or kip with Dori, I don’t think she’d mind.”

“Well,” his mum finishes with the pillows and turns to face him again. “This is my house and I’ll keep it just the way I like.”

He smiles and walks over to her and pulls her into a hug. “I’ve missed you,” he mumbles into her shoulder. He breathes in the familiar scent of her, of washing powder and childhood. He forgets how much he’s really missed his mum until he sees her. And even now, at the age of twenty-nine, he doesn't think there are many things better than a hug from his mum.

“I’ve missed you too, honey.” She squeezes him tighter for a moment before pulling back and kissing his cheek. “I’m so happy that you’re home. I’m sorry that it’s under such unfortunate circumstances.”

The smiles slips from his face. He’d been so excited to see his family he’d forgotten the real reason he was home. It’s like a punch to the gut.

The sullen expression on his face must be fairly obvious, because his mum quickly changes the subject. “So, I’m going to get the twins to bed and then turn in myself. You going to stay up?”

“No, I think I’m going to head to bed as well,” he says. “I’ve been up since five this morning and tried to get some work done on the train so I’m exhausted.”

“Alright, I’ll just see you in the morning then. I’ll make breakfast.” She briefly squeezes his arms as she walks by on her way out of the room. “Goodnight.”

“Night.”

As soon as she shuts the door behind her Louis sighs and slumps onto his bed. It’s so nice to be home and in his old room, it makes him feel safe almost. Like he did when he was younger and still lived under this roof, like he didn’t have a care in the world.

He looks to his left, to the wall he’s been consciously ignoring since he stepped into the room. There’s about thirty or so pictures of the two of them back when they were in secondary school. As much as it _hurts_ for him to see them every time he comes home, he still doesn’t have the heart to take them down.

The colours in the biggest one have faded over the years. Louis had loved that photo so much that he blew it up until it was almost blurry and placed it right in the middle of all the others. They are sitting on the dock behind his grandparent’s lake house, cheeks pressed together, and wide smiles on both of their faces. He still remembers that day vividly. They had spent the whole day in the lake until their entire bodies were pruny and sunburnt. They laid out on the dock afterwards and talked about their future and traded kisses until the sun went down.

It feels like a distant dream, like that day never really happened. It’s hard to believe that he had someone that loved him so fiercely and he felt just the same about them. He found the one for him at such a young age. If only he hadn’t destroyed it a few years later.

He strips down and climbs under the sheets and falls asleep with his back towards the wall of pictures.

\--

Louis wakes up the next morning to the smell of bacon. He yawns and stretches his hands up above his head. He sits up and swings his legs over the side of the bed, setting his feet onto the floor. He pads his way across the carpet and into the ensuite. Besides his mum’s room, his is the only bedroom with an attached bathroom. The rest of his siblings all had to share one. It’s something he loved to flaunt in front of his sisters when they were younger.

After his shower, he brushes his teeth and pulls on some clothes, then makes his way downstairs. When he enters the kitchen both of the twins are sitting at the kitchen table and his mum is standing at the stove.

“Good morning,” he greets and he slips into a chair at the table. He gets a chorus of good mornings from everyone in the room.

“I made waffles for the twins, which you’re welcome to if you’d like,” his mum points to the plate of waffles on the table with a spatula. “There’s also eggs and bacon. Or I could make you something else if you don’t want any of this.”

“No, this is great mum, thanks,” he says as he shoves as piece of bacon in his mouth. His mum hands him an empty plate and a steaming mug of tea which he desperately needs. He piles his plate up with extra bacon and some eggs.

“You don’t want any waffles, Lou?” Ernest pipes up from across the table. “They’re chocolate chip.”

Louis freezes with a forkful of eggs halfway to his mouth. “Oh, so now that you aren’t in front of your video game I’m suddenly cool enough for you to talk to?” He hears Doris giggle as his brother shyly ducks his head. “I’m just teasing you, bro. I guess you’ll just have to teach me how to play this game of yours.”

Ernest visibly brightens at that. “Okay!”

After they have finished their breakfast, Louis helps his mum clean up.

“How long are you staying?” She asks as they are loading up the dishwasher.

“I’m not sure,” Louis answers. “I haven’t checked the train schedule, but I was thinking maybe Monday.”

His mum shuts the dishwasher then switches it on and turns to face Louis with a serious yet reluctant look on her face. “I hate to ask you this, especially at a time like this, but I was wondering if you could help clean out the lake house.”

Louis’ brows pull in with a frown. Why would the lake house need to be cleaned out? Before he even has the chance to open his mouth to ask, his mum continues.

“You and Lottie we really the only ones to ever go up there and now that you two have moved away and both of your grandparents are gone, I no longer have a need for the house,” she explains. “I want to sell it, but I’ve been so busy with work and the twins that I just haven’t found the time to go up there.”

His heart sinks a little at the thought of selling the lake house, it’s one of his favorite places in the world. But in the back of his mind he always knew it wouldn’t be there forever. “Of course I’ll help.”

His mum smiles and pulls him in for a hug. “Oh Lou, that would be so great. I already took a bunch of boxes up there. We just need to get everything packed away to either sell or donate. And you’re more than welcome to keep anything you’d like. And maybe we can give the outside a fresh coat of paint, spruce it up a bit.”

She’s talking so quickly that Louis is having a hard time catching everything she says, but he nods along anyway. “Shall I head up there today then?”

“That would be perfect! And you might as well take all your things with you and just stay up there while you’re here, to make everything easier on you.” She pecks him on the cheek as she walks by to grab her keys and her purse off one of the hooks by the back door. “I’ve got to run to work now, but call me if you need anything. You can drop the twins off with the neighbour if you don’t want to take them with you.”

It’s the middle of July, which means it’s going to be incredibly hot outside, especially at the lake, so Louis changes into an old white tank top with armholes so wide they almost reach his waist. He finds a pair of black basketball shorts in one of the dresser drawers in his old room, that surprisingly still fit him. Well, not really surprisingly, he hasn’t grown much since secondary school. He reached his peak at twenty.

Luckily, Louis never unpacked when he arrived last night, so he just makes up the bed and he’s ready to go. He takes the twins to the neighbour’s house like his mum suggested, he loves them dearly, but they’ll just be a distraction if he brings them with him.

He takes his mum’s old jeep, since she got a ride with one of her coworkers. It’s about a twenty minute drive to the lake, and it’s still just early enough that it’s not too hot out yet. He rolls all the windows down and lets the wind blow through his hair as he drives.

It’s oddly comforting turning onto the gravel road that leads to the lake house. At the beginning of the road, where there used to be a large wooded area, there’s now several newly constructed houses. They are more contemporary than his grandparent’s house and the others and the end of the street.

He pulls into the driveway and steps out of the car, the gravel crunching beneath his beat up Adidas trainers, and takes everything in. The house is just the same as he remembers, although it seems a little smaller now that he’s older. He always thought of it as this huge mansion with endless rooms and hallways.

There are so many memories attached to this house, both good and bad, and it’s a little sad to think about it being sold to someone else. Louis had spent every single summer here since he was born to the day he finished sixth form. But he’ll never forget all the memories from this place.

He takes his keys out of the side pocket of his suitcase. He’s always kept the key to the house on his keychain, although he hasn’t been back here since he moved. He’s come back home several times for Christmas and other holidays through the years, but he’s never been able to stomach coming back to this house.

Louis unlocks the front door and sees the pile of boxes right inside that his mum told him about. The house smells the same as it always has; of old wood and lake water. The wooden floorboards beneath his feet have cracked and faded over the years. The hideous green floral wallpaper he always hated still on the walls of the living room. Framed pictures of him and his siblings littered the mantel above the fireplace and his grandad's record player sat on the small end table next to the sofa. He doesn’t bother looking around more than that, just grabs a handful of boxes and walks around the driveway to the garage.

He slides the door open and inside the garage sits the small fishing boat his grandfather used to take out on the lake and he runs his fingers along the wood panelling on the side. He learned how to fish on this boat. He wasn’t very good at it, was never able to ever catch anything, but he always loved the bonding time he had with his granddad whenever they’d take it out on the water.

He takes his phone out of the pocket of his shorts and unlocks it to play some music. He sets it on one of the benches in the boat and gets to work.

He’s filled up three boxes with all the miscellaneous things he’s found on the shelves in the garage, and he’s currently packing away some beach towels when it happens.

”Louis?"

Louis freezes, clutching the towels in his hands a bit tighter. It’s been ten years since he’s heard that voice, it’s several octaves deeper and a little huskier than it used to be, but he _knows_ that voice. To this day he’d still be able to pick out that voice in a room full of a hundred different voices.

He slowly turns around, and sure enough, standing in the driveway just outside of the garage is the boy in all the photos scattered across the wall of Louis’ childhood bedroom. The boy Louis was madly in love with ten years ago. The boy he thought he was going to _marry_ until Louis fucked it all up.

But of course that boy is a man now and he’s far more beautiful than Louis remembers. He’s slimmer and broader than he used to be and he has lost all the cute baby fat in his face, now it’s much more angular with sharp edges. His hair is a lot longer too, waves of dark curls falling down onto his shoulders. Louis always remembers being taller than him, but even from the short distance between them, Louis can tell he towers over him now.

He’s somehow managed to squeeze himself into the tightest pair of black jeans — in the middle of summer no less — Louis has ever seen, holes in the knees and rolled up a few inches above his ankles. And good god, his _thighs_ , Louis has to clear his throat to stop himself from moaning. He has the most garish colour of tennis shoes on his feet, but he’s probably the only person in the world that could make them look good. He must have had The Rolling Stones t shirt he’s wearing for quite awhile because there are several holes in it, one large one being held together with safety pins. The muscles of his biceps become even more pronounced when he pushes his sunglasses off his eyes and into his hair to hold it out of his face. The years have been more than kind to him. He has really grown up.

“Harry?” Louis says, his voice wavering even on that one word, giving away just how affected he is. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m in town for Mr Riley’s funeral.” God, his voice is so deep.

“No, I mean what are you doing _here_. At the lake house,” Louis clarifies.

“Oh, um. Your mum asked if I could help pack everything up so she can sell it.” Harry has always been a slow talker, it was one of Louis’ favorite things about it. And now with this deep, rich timbre of his voice, it's almost intoxicating to listen to.

But then he actually _hears_ what Harry says and everything suddenly makes sense. Why his mum was so adamant about him coming out to the lake house. “Oh my god.”

A quick hurt expression flashes across Harry’s face before he schools it into something more neutral. “I didn't know you were going to be here. I can leave.”

“It's fine Harry,” Louis says. “It's just my mum totally set this up.”

“What?”

“She probably knew we'd both be in town,” he elaborates. “So she set this up. So we'd both be here. Together.”

“Oh,” Harry purses his lips. “Like I said, I can leave.” He points his thumb over his shoulder back towards the road.

“No,” Louis says a little too exasperatedly. “Well I mean, you can if you want. But I could really use the help. It's going to take me forever to do the whole house by myself and I've got to go back to work eventually.”

Harry just stands there and studies him for a moment and Louis suddenly feels very exposed under the intensity of his gaze. He's tempted to wrap one of the towels that he's still holding in his hand around himself.

Harry blinks and takes a step back. “Right. I'll just start inside then.”

As soon as Harry rounds the corner, Louis feels the muscles in his shoulders relax. He was unaware that he had been tensing them. He's not sure if his heart's still beating. He feels cold and numb, frozen into place.

He knew it was only a matter of time before he and Harry bumped into each other again. They both grew up in a small town where everyone knows everyone. And even though they both moved away after secondary school, he’s sure Harry comes home for most major holidays like he does himself. He’s just surprised it’s taken them this long.

At the lake house of all places, where they spent so much of their time together. It’s where Harry first told Louis he loved him one night when they were curled together in front of the fire after spending all day out on the lake. It’s where Harry saw Louis cry for the first time after his granddad had passed. The lake house had always been _their_ place.

A few hours later, Louis has finished packing away everything in the garage. And at the perfect stopping time for lunch.

The only thing he didn't get packed was the boat, obviously. They'll probably have to sell it and most likely only for parts at that. It's quite old. The paint is peeling off and some of the wood has started to rot. You can tell by looking at it that it was well loved and lived a long and happy life.

Louis flicks the light off when he leaves and makes his way into the house. He finds Harry in the living room, he didn't seem to have heard Louis come in, so he stands back and watches him for a moment.

He's flipping through a book with an open box at his feet. His hair has been pulled up into a bun on the top of his head making his jawline look incredibly sharp. Louis has to literally dig his heels into the wood floor to prevent himself from walking over and kissing the soft skin in between Harry’s ear and jawline. It was always one of his favorite places to kiss Harry.

“Hey,” he finally announces himself.

Harry places the book into the box and turns around. “Hey.”

“I've finished the garage and I was going to go grab some lunch at the diner around the corner. Do you want one of those grilled chicken burgers you used to love? With the spicy sauce.”

Harry smiles and Louis can tell it’s a genuine smile because his dimple makes an appearance. That was also one of his favorite places to kiss Harry. Hell, _everywhere_ on Harry was his favorite place to kiss him. “Yes please, that sounds great. I’m starving.”

Louis is so caught up in thinking about kissing him, that he doesn’t realize Harry has taken his wallet out of his back pocket and handed him his credit card until he’s waving it in front of his face. And that’s when he notices Harry’s fingernails are painted a pale shade of pink. That’s new. It suits him, Louis thinks, and the colour looks lovely against his tanned skin.

“No,” Louis protests, pushing Harry’s hand away. “I’m paying. My treat.”

“Oh.” Harry’s been saying that a lot today. “Okay. If you’re sure.” He sucks his bottom lip into his mouth and bites it.

“Absolutely,” Louis responds. “I’ll be back shortly.”

Harry dimples and Louis’ heartbeat speeds up. He feels like a teenager with a crush just being around him again. “‘kay. I'll be here.”

Louis jumps into the jeep and drives back down the gravel road, calling in their order on his way. The diner was another one of his and Harry’s favorite places. Honestly, there isn't a place in town Louis can't go without thinking about their relationship. There isn't a place where they didn't leave a piece of them behind.

Even though the diner is twenty minutes away from their high school, he and Harry used to go there everyday after school. They'd each get a chocolate peanut butter milkshake and share an order of chips while they sat in the corner booth and did their homework.

It's the only time Louis actually got any of his work done because Harry was there and encouraged him to do it. And he'd always help Louis if he needed it. Even though Harry was one year below him, he was one, if not _the_ , smartest kid in school. Louis was always a little jealous of that.

The car park in front of the diner is pretty full when he pulls up, which is understandable since it's the middle of summer and it's the only place to eat near the lake. All other restaurants are twenty minutes away back in the main part of town.

Thankfully there are a few open spots on the last row and Louis takes one of them. As soon as he walks inside his eyes immediately go to the booth in the far corner. That had always been a habit of his, to make sure the table was open for him and Harry to take, and apparently he still hasn't broken that habit.

There is a family sitting at the booth now. The two little kids still in their swimming costumes with hair still wet from the lake. His attention is pulled away from them when the girl working behind the counter calls out his name for his order. He pays and leaves a few pounds in the tip jar before heading back out to the car.

When he makes it back to the house, Harry is sitting out at the table on the back deck, feet propped up in the chair opposite of him and sunglasses perched on his nose. He really is beautiful. Louis places their food on the table and sits in the empty seat next to Harry.

They eat in silence for awhile, watching the few boats out on the lake. The silence isn't comfortable though, it's awkward and he can _feel_  the tension between them.

“So how have you been?” Louis asks when he can no longer stand the quiet.

“We don’t have to do this, Louis.” There’s a certain edge to Harry’s voice that rubs him the wrong way.

“Do what?”

“ _This_ ,” Harry gestures between the two of them. “Talk about our lives, tell each other our stories. You broke up with me ten years ago and we haven’t spoken since. We don’t have to pretend to be friends.”

He saw a glimpse of the Harry he used to know before he left to get their food, but now he's back to the tense and stilted version he was in the garage. It makes sense that even after all this time Harry would hold a grudge against Louis, he did end their relationship out of nowhere, so abruptly. But it still hurts to know that Harry thinks they can’t even be friends.

“You’re right, you don’t have to tell me. It’s your life and I have no right to know about it unless you want me to. But,” he sighs and places his burger back down on top of its wrapper. “I’m not pretending. Harry, I didn’t break up with you because I stopped caring about you. I didn’t just wake up one day and realize that I didn’t care about you anymore. I still care.” _And I still love you_. It’s on the tip of his tongue but he doesn’t let it slip out, too afraid of how Harry will react if he does. Things are still far too fragile between them.

He has always known that he still loves Harry. He pushed it away to the far corners of his mind, but it's still there gnawing away at him. That’s why he hasn’t been able to fully move on, hasn’t been able to date anyone longer than a few months. But now that he’s finally seeing Harry after all these years, finally being here with him, that fact is even more apparent. There is absolutely no doubt in his mind that he still loves Harry. That he’s still _in_ love with him. He’s come to the realization that he’s going to be spending the rest of his life loving Harry.

“Okay well you can go first,” Harry finally says. “Are you the teacher that you always wanted to be?”

Louis smiles, he’s glad Harry is giving in to this, letting it happen. He wants to know _e_ _verything_  that’s happened to him since he last saw him. “No, actually I’m not,” he laughs at Harry’s look of surprise. “I was taking all the classes for it and it was going well, I liked it, but my second year I had somehow signed up for a graphic design class by accident. I didn’t even notice until I showed up for it. I was going to leave when I realized what class it was, but I thought that since I apparently signed up for it, I might as well stay just to see what it’s like. And that one single class was how long it took for me to fall in love with it. So now I work in advertising. It pays really well, I’m actually quite good at it, and I love it.”

Harry studies Louis for a moment. “Well, that's great. I’m glad that you’re happy.”

He’s happy with his job, that’s true, but he’s not fully happy with his life outside of work. There has been a pretty significant piece of him that’s been missing ever since he was nineteen. And that piece is currently sitting right next to him. “So what are you doing?”

“I’m a hair stylist. In Los Angeles.”

Louis isn’t even the slightest bit shocked to hear the hair stylist bit, but the LA part is quite shocking. “I’m sure you’re great at that.”

“I like to think so,” Harry smiles a little bashfully. “I started out at a regular uni, but I just wasn’t happy there so I went to cosmetology school instead. I work in this cute little salon, but I’ve been wanting to open up my own place for a while, I just don’t have the money for it at the moment. I’m saving up and as soon as I have enough, I’ll do it. And I even have some friends that said they’ll come work for me once I get it started.”

“That sounds great. I’m really happy for you,” Louis says honestly. There’s something that he’s been wanting to ask all day, wonders if Harry has been able to move on unlike himself, and well, there’s no time like the present. “So are you, um. Are you seeing anyone?”

Harry stills as he’s taking a sip of his water. Louis knows that it’s none of his business, they only just saw each other for the first time in ten years a few hours ago. He opens his mouth to take the question back, but Harry’s answering before he gets the chance.

“Not at the moment, no.” Louis tries to hide the wave of relief that washes over him. “I was in a pretty serious relationship for about five years.” Five years. That’s longer than he and Louis were together. They only lasted three. He wonders if they’d still be together if Louis hadn’t broken it off. God, they might have even been _married_  by now. He shoves a couple fries into his mouth to try and push away the tightness in his chest. “But she broke it off last year.”

Louis’ eyes widen. “She?”

“Yeah,” Harry chuckles lightly. “It turns out I like girls too, or anyone really. Gender doesn’t matter to me. I think the technical term for it is pansexual, but I don’t like being put into a category. I am who I am and I like who I like. Why do I have to put a label on it?”

That’s one of the things Louis has always loved about Harry. He’s so carefree and he doesn’t give two shits what people think about him. He’s glad to see that still hasn’t changed.

“What about you?” Harry asks.

Louis watches as a girl falls into the water as she fails to waterski behind a boat. “What about me?” He knows what Harry wants to know, but he asks anyway.

“Are you seeing anyone?”

“Oh no,” he shrugs, turning back to his fries. “I mean I’ve dated here and there, but nothing serious. Nothing that’s lasted very long.”

They lapse back into silence after that, but Harry quickly finishes his meal and leaves Louis out on the deck by himself.

When Louis is done he joins Harry in the living room to help him finish packing up what he started earlier.

The conversation comes a little bit easier now than it did during lunch. They talk about the friends they've made back at home and Louis asks Harry how he met his ex girlfriend.

It's not exactly how comfortable Louis wishes they were, but it's better than nothing and he's _trying_. He's not going to go back to London without at least him and Harry being friends again.

They continue working until the sun has set and Harry decides to call it a night.

“I'm staying here while I'm in town,” Louis mentions when they're tidying up. “You're more than welcome to stay here as well. Just so you won't have to drive back up here everyday.”

“Oh, thank you, but no,” Harry says. “My mum wants me back in time for dinner. She's going all out since I'm home. You know how she is.”

Louis can't believe he's actually surprised by that response when he should have been expecting it. “Yeah, I understand. So I guess I'll just see you tomorrow then?”

“Yeah.” Harry opens the front door and steps out, but turns around before he closes it behind him. “Have a good night, Lou.”

Louis’ heart skips a beat at the the nickname. It's nothing special, everyone calls him that, but it's different coming from Harry. It always has been.

“You too, H.”

Louis blinks at the closed door and sighs. He's in desperate need of a shower. He runs out to the jeep for his suitcase and then, without even thinking about it, he walks right up the stairs, down the hallway, and stops in front of the first door on the left. It's his room, the room he always slept in when he stayed here during the summer.

He pushes the door open and the memories immediately come flooding back to him, and he slams the door shut. There's no way he can sleep in there now.

The first thing that popped into his head when he saw the room was when he and Harry had snuck out the night of Harry’s eighteenth birthday after he had celebrated with his family, to make love for the first time. They had planned out the whole night. Harry had wanted to wait until he was eighteen and Louis was more than happy to oblige. He would have committed to a life of celibacy if that's what Harry had wanted.

_ He knocks on the window and a second later the light inside switches off. Louis is forever glad that Harry’s house is only one story. It makes it so much easier for Harry to sneak out of his bedroom window, which seems to happen more often than not. Louis may not be the best influence on him, but Harry certainly doesn’t complain. _

_ The first thing Louis sees when the window slides open is a hand sticking out of it holding a paper plate with a piece of chocolate cake on it, the whole thing wrapped up in plastic wrap, and a voice that follows it saying, “I saved you a piece of cake.” And then Harry’s head pops out of the window, his dimple out in full force. Louis feels his heartbeat speed up at just the sight of him. _

_ Once Harry has made it safely out of the window and closes it back behind him, Louis pushes him up against the side of the house and crowds into his space. “Happy birthday,” he murmurs. _

_ “Thanks,” Harry replies, a blush growing on his cheeks that Louis can make out even in the dark. “Even though you’ve already told me that a hundred times today.” _

_ “And I’m just going to tell you a hundred more times, so get used to it.” And then Louis leans in to seal their lips together. _

_ Harry’s lips are perfect, sinful. Soft and plump and they fit perfectly against Louis’. If he didn’t have to stop to breathe and maybe take occasional bathroom breaks, he’d spend an entire day just kissing Harry. The rest of his life if possible. _

_ And Harry instantly melts into it. His hand holding the plate with the cake goes limp at his side and he sinks into the brick of the house behind him. _

_ The kiss grew more demanding, Harry’s free hand sneaking underneath the bottom of Louis’ shirt, nimble fingers tracing his warm skin, and his teeth nipping at Louis’ lips. _

_ Louis has always thought Harry tasted sweet, but now when he licks into Harry’s mouth, he tastes even sweeter. “Mmm, you taste like buttercream,” Louis mutters against Harry’s mouth before dragging his lips down Harry’s neck. _

_ “That’s from my cake,” Harry giggles a little breathlessly. “Which I brought you a piece of. And if you stopped kissing me you could eat it.” _

_ “Oh,” Louis says as he pulls back, taking the cake into his own hands. He has to avert his gaze from Harry to stop himself from going back in and kissing him. His lips are red and shiny and god does Louis really want to kiss him again, but he has a point to make. “Well, if you wanted me to stop kissing you, you should have just said so.” _

_ Harry pouts. He sticks his bottom lip out and literally slumps forward as if his whole body is pouting. “No, that’s not what I meant.” He makes grabby hands for Louis who has taken a few steps back. “Don’t stop kissing me. Never stop.” _

_ Louis smiles and pulls Harry against him to steal another kiss. _

_ “I love you,” Harry says when their lips slip apart. _

_ Louis will never get tired of Harry saying those three words. Never ever. “I love you too,” he says back, grabbing Harry’s hand and leading him to his truck. “Now let’s get out of here before your mum catches us.” _

_ On the drive over to the lake house, Harry feeds Louis little bits of his cake. Which is actually quite good. Moist and decadent, but not too overly sweet. Of course Harry made it himself. He’s the only person Louis knows that would willing make their own birthday cake. And he preens beautifully with the compliments Louis gives him. _

_ As soon as Louis turns the key in the ignition to shut the car off after they’ve pulled in the driveway, he notices something wrong. He lent his key to Lottie and he hasn’t had the chance to get it back from her yet. For one brief ridiculous moment he thinks they’ll have to break in, bust out a window or something. His grandad would literally murder him with his bare hands if he did that, so he has to think of another plan. _

_ Maybe he could pull his truck around to the side by the garage, so they are a little bit tucked away and not in plain view. They had their first kiss in the bed of his truck, surely it could work for their first time having sex as well. It is February though, so it most likely will be quite cold, but Louis’ got some blankets in the back. It’s probably not the most romantic thing in the world, but he could make it work. _

_ Harry must have noticed his internal panic because he lightly places a hand on Louis’ forearm and asks, “Lou, you okay?” _

_ He shifts in his seat to face Harry. “Lottie has my key. We’re going to have to break in. Hopefully there is an open window or something.” _

_ Harry scrunches up his face adorably. “We don’t have to do that. Didn’t you say something before about how your grandad keeps a spare key in the side yard?” _

_ A literal weight is lifted off Louis’ shoulders and he beams. “Yes, he does. God bless you, Harry Styles.” He takes both of his hands and places them on either side of Harry’s face to bring him closer and gives a chaste but bruising kiss to his lips. “I’m going to make love to you so hard.” _

_ Harry shyly ducks his head and turns the same shade of red as the scarf around his neck. Louis hops out of the truck and heads for the side yard. After he successfully finds the spare key, he opens the passenger side door of his truck, and takes Harry’s hand in his. He unlocks the front door of the house and leads Harry up the stairs to his bedroom, all while still holding Harry’s hand. _

_ He lays Harry out on the bed and that’s when his nerves start to kick in. Louis lies down next to Harry and kisses him softly. “You nervous?” He asks as he threads his fingers through Harry’s curls. _

_ “Not really no,” Harry shakes his head as best as he can with Louis’ fingers in his hair. “I thought I was going to be, but I’m more excited than anything. Are you?” _

_ “Yeah,” Louis chuckles, trying to make light of the conversation, of how nervous he really is. He notices the concerned look on Harry’s face, so he keeps going. “It’s just — I love you so much, Harry and I don’t want to hurt you or do anything that you don’t want. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I did.” Little did Louis know that those words would hit a little close to home a few months later. _

_ “No Lou,” Harry pulls Louis down into a kiss. As soon as their lips touch it eases some of the tension in Louis’ body. Harry just barely slips his tongue into Louis’ mouth before he pulls back. “You aren’t going to hurt me, you’d never hurt me. And I want this so much. I’ve never wanted anything more in my life.” _

_Those words help Louis relax even more and he pushes all his thoughts away as he leans in for another kiss. They don’t do much talking after that._

To this day it's still one of the best nights of Louis’ life. Even though the day after wasn’t all that great when both their mum’s found their bedrooms empty the next morning. They ended up falling asleep afterwards and forgot to sneak back home. And at the time neither one of them knew it would all be ending just a few months later.

Now Louis walks back down the stairs to the master bedroom. He takes a shower and crawls into bed trying to ignore the thoughts of Harry floating around in his head.

\--

The next morning Louis is wide awake. Like, before the sun even came up he was wide awake. He got about a total of two hours of sleep, did nothing but toss and turn the whole night.

When he's finally fed up of just lying in bed, he gets up and goes straight to work. He organizes all the boxes in the living room they finished yesterday and then starts working on the spare bedroom just off the living room.

It's just a couple hours later when Harry shows up.

“Morning,” he greets, startling Louis a bit because he didn't hear Harry come in the house.

He's more appropriately dressed for summer today. In a plain white tank top and denim shorts, those disgustingly bright tennis shoes still on his feet. “Good morning.”

“How long have you been up?”

“Awhile,” Louis answers. “I couldn't sleep.”

“Yeah me neither. I brought breakfast,” Harry holds up a brown paper bag in one hand and two styrofoam coffee cups in the other. “I hope you haven't eaten yet.”

He hasn't, not since lunch yesterday. His stomach rumbles when he smells whatever is in the bag. It smells _heavenly_. He didn't even realize how hungry he was until now. “I haven't. Thank you.”

Harry hands him one of the teas and the bag. “It's pain au chocolat,” he says with a perfect French accent that sends a thrill down Louis’ spine. “Just a butter croissant with a chocolate filling.”

Louis opens the bag and he's hit with that smell again. His mouth waters. He pulls the croissant out and takes a bite. He can't help the moan he lets out when it hits his taste buds. It's warm and flaky and the chocolate is rich and a little bit melted. It's definitely the best croissant he's ever had. “Where did you get this? It's incredible.”

“Oh um,” Harry's cheeks turn a lovely shade of pink. “I made it.”

“You made this?” His mouth is still full and a few crumbs may have flew out when he talked, but he ignores it. “How is it still warm?”

“I put it in the oven for a little bit when I got here. Those taste better when they're warm.”

“You did?” Louis asks, incredulous. “Are you sure you're in the right profession?”

Harry chuckles. “I enjoy it, but it's not something I want to do professionally. I just bake when I can't sleep.”

Louis takes a sip of the tea Harry gave him and it’s exactly how he likes it and the right brand as well. Harry still remembers. “You bake when you can't sleep?”

“Yeah,” Harry shrugs. “It started out when I couldn't sleep one night and I was craving something sweet. I didn't have anything so I just made it. And now it's become a thing. Plus I get kind of tired after it, so I'm able to sleep.”

Maybe Louis should try baking when he can't sleep because last night all he did was lay in bed and stare at the ceiling. “Well Harold, this is the most delicious thing I've eaten in quite a while.” Harry’s blush deepens and it’s so _pretty_. “You ready to get to work?”

The rest of Thursday goes by quickly and every passing hour it gets easier and easier to talk to Harry. At one point they have a little dance break when Harry keeps complaining about Louis’ lame music and puts on his own. And it's nice to be able to laugh with Harry, almost like old times.

There's still some unresolved tension between them and both of them are clearly ignoring the giant elephant in the room, the problem that they really should talk about, but Louis is secretly thankful for that. He's terrified to actually have that conversation.

By Friday afternoon they've finished all the rooms downstairs besides the master bedroom where Louis is staying; they're saving that one for last. Louis desperately needs a cigarette, the stress of everything is finally catching up to him and he's starting to feel a little jittery.

He steps out onto the back porch and pulls out the almost empty pack and the lighter from his back pocket. He lights the cigarette that's dangling loosely in between his lips and inhales deeply. Usually a smoke will help calm him down, but right now it seems to be having no affect. As soon as he finishes that one, he lights up another.

He hears the voice coming from behind him before he hears the footsteps. “I see you're still smoking. Nasty habit.”

“Yeah I've been trying to quit but,” he shrugs, “you know how that goes. I don't do it as often as I used to though. Just when I'm stressed and stuff.”

“You're stressed?” Harry’s eyebrows are pinched together and he looks so _genuinely_  concerned, like he's actually worried that Louis might be stressed about something.

Louis isn't very good at handling his emotions, never has been, and he usually bottles up whatever he's feeling until he's eventually able to move on. But with Harry it's always been different. He takes one look at Louis and is able to tell every single thing he's feeling. And Louis was never good at hiding things from Harry, and it seems like still hasn't changed after all these years.

“Yeah, just everything with Mr Riley,” _and you_. He doesn't say that last part though. He doesn't want Harry to think that Louis doesn't want him here because that's literally the last thing he wants. “When my mum called me and told me what happened it was like the world had stopped. I was still moving, still able to feel the pain, but everything else around me had stopped.” He takes another pull from his cigarette and takes a little longer than normal to exhale it just so he can take a break from talking. “He was like a father to me because my real one fucked off right after I was born. He was always there for me, you know. He was the only father figure I had in my life.”

Harry doesn't say anything through all this, just steps a little bit closer to Louis and listens intently, never takes his eyes off him.

“I mean, I knew this was going to happen,” Louis continues. “I know it's going to happen with everyone. It's just that shitty part of life that we unfortunately have to deal with. The funeral is tomorrow and I just — I don't know how I’m going to handle it.” He finishes that cigarette and stubs it out with his foot and lights up a third one.

“Lou,” Harry says softly. “He loved you very much. He didn't have any children of his own, and you were a son to him just as much as he was a father to you. He was so proud of you and everything you accomplished. You know what my mum told me?” He doesn't even give Louis a chance to answer that, just keeps on going. “Since she works at the school, she volunteered to help clean out his office. And you remember that picture we took with him and Niall and Liam on your and Liam’s graduation day?” Louis does, he remembers that picture and that day vividly. “He still had that picture hanging up on his wall.”

Louis doesn't really know how to process that information. He just tells Harry thanks and walks back inside the house. They don't talk for the rest of the day. 

\--

It's raining the day of the funeral. Like the universe is reminding Louis of just how fucked up his life is right now. As if he could ever forget.

He goes through the motions of showering and putting on the suit he brought with him to wear just for this. He keeps his mind blank, doesn't allow himself to think about anything. He just wants to make it through today in one piece.

He picks up his mum on the way to the church and the place is already packed when they get there. They make their way towards the front and they sit on the very end of the first pew.

By the time the service starts, the church is completely full, some people having to stand against the back wall because all the seats are taken. Mr Riley’s wife gives the eulogy and it's beautiful, moves everyone in the room. Louis sits through the whole thing with a straight face and a tight grip on his mum's hand. 

When it's over, Louis’s mum stands and leaves right away, but Louis decides to wait until most of the people have filtered out before he leaves. He glances around the room at everyone in attendance and someone across the room catches his attention, sparking a small bit of happiness inside him for the first time that day. 

He stands and makes his way over. “Payno!” Louis greets when he finally approaches him.

Liam turns around with a big smile on his face, spreading his arms out to bring Louis in for a hug. “Tommo!” Liam greets back. Liam's been Louis’ best friend since they were babies, besides Harry of course, but Harry was a year below Louis and Liam was in the same, so they had several classes together through the years. Liam lives in London as well, so they still see each other fairly often.  “How are you doing?”

Louis smiles back but it's weak, doesn't reach his eyes. “Considerably better than I thought I would be.” Which isn't technically a lie, he does feel pretty good besides the ball of pain in his stomach that he's been ignoring since he woke up. “What about you?”

“Doing well,” Liam replies. “Been working like crazy though, man. I was barely able to get time off to come to this, but I wouldn't have missed it for the world.”

“Yeah,” is all Louis manages to say in response. He thought talking to Liam would help make him feel a little better, but it hasn't so far. He thinks of how he could make a quick getaway without being rude.

Liam must notice something is off because he continues talking. “Hey Niall is here too.”

“Is he?” That perks Louis up a bit, he hasn't seen Niall in years.

“Yeah,” Liam nods. “I talked to him before the service. Not sure where he's gone off to now though.”

Knowing both Liam and Niall are in town gives Louis a crazy idea. “Hey, when are you heading back home?”

“Monday morning, why?”

“What about Niall?” Louis asks.

“I think the same, but I'm not sure.”

“How about you two come out to the lake house tomorrow for a cookout?” Louis suggests. “You know, just like we used to do in secondary school. Except this time we'll be able to have booze.”

Liam visibly brightens. “Yeah man, that sounds awesome. I'll text Niall to let him know.” Liam takes his phone out and types away a text to Niall, but the expression on his face changes to something more worried once he's sent it. “Do you know that _he_ is in town also? Are you going to invite him too?”

Just by the emphasis Liam puts on the word _he_ , Louis knows exactly who he's talking about. And god bless Liam Payne for knowing how sensitive Louis is about that subject. “Um, I've actually already seen him. We've spent the last fews days together at the lake house.” Liam's eyebrows shoot all the way up into his hairline. “Oh no, not like that. My mum is selling the house, and we've just been packing everything up to donate. She totally set us up too. So we'd both be there together. Alone together.”

“Oh. And how was that?” Liam asks gently.

“Hard. But nice. Little awkward.” Louis drops his gaze to the floor. “I'm still in love with him.” He says it so quietly under his breath that he's not even sure if Liam heard.

But Liam must have heard because he then says _so_  softly, “oh Lou.”

“You know,” Louis says, completely ignoring Liam's comment. “I've always kind of thought I still loved him, but I also thought that was just me holding on to the past because the way I ended things was so shitty. But after seeing him and spending time with him,” he pauses to take a deep breath and compose himself. “I know I'm never going to be able to stop loving him. He’s kind of ruined everyone else for me.”

Liam places a hand on Louis’ shoulder. “He still loves you too, Lou.”

Louis laughs, but it's humorless, more forced. “Bullshit. He could barely even look at me the first day. I broke his heart. He hates me.”

“Lou,” Liam says softly again. Louis wishes he would stop with that. He's not this fragile thing that needs to be handled with care. He's _fine_. “He may not still be _in_ love with you, but he still loves you, still cares for you. He can't just switch that off.”

“He's moved on, Liam,” Louis bites out a little more forcefully than he intended. Even though he's accepted the fact that Harry moved on — should have known all along that Harry would move on — it still hurts to know that he was happy with someone who wasn't Louis. “Did you know he had a girlfriend?”

They way Liam’s cheeks turn a light shade of pink and the way his eyes keep skirting around the room looking anywhere but at Louis tells him all he needs to know. “You knew?” Louis exclaims. “You knew he moved on and you didn't tell me?”

“I didn’t think you wanted to know,” Liam says. “You never once brought him up when we talked. I thought you were trying to forget about him. I’m sorry.”

As if Louis could _ever_  forget about Harry. Before he has a chance to reply, he hears someone else calling his name from across the room. He gives Liam a hug goodbye with the promise of seeing him tomorrow and walks towards the back of the room.

“Louis, darling.”

He steps into the warm embrace of Harry’s mum’s arms. Louis has always been a mummy’s boy, you probably couldn’t find anyone more of a mummy’s boy than himself. His mum has always been one of his best friends, but he’s always loved Harry’s mum as if she was his own. And it’s nice to know she doesn’t hold a grudge against him for breaking her son’s heart. “Hi Anne. How are you?”

“Doing well, considering,” she answers. “What about you? Still living in London?”

“I am, yes.”

“Listen, I don’t want to take up too much of your time. I just have a little something for you.” Louis watches as she takes out a rectangular object out of her purse that’s wrapped in what seems to be a pillowcase. She unwraps it to hand it over to Louis and his heart stops when he sees what it is. “This was still in his office. I thought you would like to have it.”

He looks down at the picture in his hands. The very same picture Harry just told him about yesterday. He’s not sure which part of it is harder to look at. Harry pressed closely against his left side, their fingers intertwined. Or Mr Riley on his other side with his arm around Louis’ shoulder, a big smile on his face, still alive and well. He has to swallow around the lump in his throat before he can address Anne. “Thank you,” he says weakly. “I’m sorry, but I have— I have to go.”

He pushes his way through the few people that are still standing around and steps outside. It’s still raining lightly, but it doesn’t even faze him. He just walks straight to the car. He tosses the picture into the passenger's seat once he’s inside and pulls out of the space. Hopefully his mum will understand and can find a ride back home with someone else.

He’s so numb, has been all day as to not let himself actually feeling anything, that he doesn’t even know where he’s driving until he’s turning onto the gravel road. He stops the car right outside of the garage and hops out. He walks around the back porch and down the dock. Luckily it stopped raining on the drive over, but it’s still a little muggy. He slips off his shoes and socks, rolls his trousers up to his knees, and sticks his feet in the water.

Louis’ not sure how long he’s been sitting out there when Harry finds him. He doesn’t say anything, just sits down next to Louis and puts his feet in the water as well. Louis feels an arm wrap around his waist and then he’s being pulled closer to Harry’s side. He sinks into him and nuzzles his face into Harry’s neck and that’s when he breaks. That’s when the tears come. The ones he’s been holding back all day, ever since his mum called and told him the news. He can’t even control it, just ugly sobs into Harry’s neck, most likely soaking his nice shirt. Harry doesn’t complain just squeezes him tighter and holds him through it.

The sun has started to set by the time Louis’ tears dry up and he’s _exhausted_. They both stand up and collect their shoes before making their way into the house. Neither of them say a word, they haven’t said anything since Harry joined him on the dock. But Harry follows him into his room and helps him out of his suit and into the bed. Louis’ not sure what time it is, surely far too early to be going to sleep, but his whole body is tired and he feels weaker and weaker with every passing second.

Louis’ eyes flutter closed as soon as his head hits the pillow. Harry pulls the sheets up around him as sleep starts pulling him away. He’s not sure if he imagined Harry’s soft lips pressing against his forehead or not, but he’s finally asleep before he can question it any further.

\--

There’s a crash followed by a muffled curse. Louis shoots straight up in his bed, listening for any following noises. When there’s nothing but silence, he lays back down only to hear another crash as soon he settles into the bed. Okay, there’s definitely someone in the house.

Reluctantly he rolls out of bed and pulls on the pair of blue jeans that are laying at the top of his suitcase and a shirt. As he makes his way down the hallway he hears soft music coming from the kitchen. What the hell?

He rounds the corner into the kitchen and stops dead in his tracks. Because standing at the stove stirring something in a bowl and slightly shimmying their hips to the music playing is Harry. His hair is up in a bun and he's wearing nothing but a tiny pair of black boxer briefs.

“Harry?”

Harry yelps and drops the spoon in his hand. It clatters against the work surface and some sort of thick batter flies up against the wall. Louis has to cover his mouth to stifle his laughter. “Jesus, Louis. You scared the shit out of me,” Harry says clutching his chest. “But good morning. Breakfast is almost ready. I can make you some tea while you wait though.”

“Did you sleep here last night?” Louis asks, completely ignoring everything Harry just said. He's practically naked and making breakfast at — Louis glances at the clock in the microwave — half six in the morning.

“I stayed here last night,” Harry answers as grabs the towel hanging from the handle of the oven to wipe up the mess that splattered up the wall. “Didn't do much sleeping though.”

“Why?”

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” Harry rinses off the spoon and places it in the sink and goes back to mixing whatever is in the bowl with his hands. “I went in to check on you every few hours or so.”

Louis’ chest suddenly feels tight. “You didn't have to do that.”

“Wanted to though,” Harry shrugs as if it's nothing. As if he didn't just tug on every single one of Louis’ heartstrings.

“Harry listen,” Louis takes a couple steps further into the kitchen. “I'm really sorry for yesterday. You shouldn't — ”

“Lou,” Harry interrupts. He turns towards Louis, the expression on his face completely serious. “You just lost someone who was very important to you. You have no reason to apologize.”

“Still. I'm sorry you had to see me like that.” Louis doesn't like people to see him upset, doesn't even want people to know he gets upset. Obviously he does because who doesn't, but as his usual happy self he doesn’t like people see him cry. Harry is the only person, besides maybe his mum, that has seen the very best and absolute worst sides of Louis.

“It's nothing I haven't seen before,” Harry says, practically voicing everything Louis just thought.

“So,” Louis says, deciding to change the subject. “What's for breakfast?”

Harry's demeanor visibly changes at that. He relaxes his shoulders and a smile spreads out across his face. “I'm making more of those chocolate croissants because you seemed to like them so much. They're almost done  I just finished the dough,” he nods his head towards the bowl his hands are still in. “I've just got to fold them around the chocolate and then bake them. Would you like to help?”

Louis nods. Baking with Harry seems like it would be something he'd enjoy doing. Although he has never baked anything before in his life. Except for maybe a boxed cake mix for someone’s birthday. Especially not anything for breakfast. He is more of a cereal for breakfast kind of guy. Just something quick and easy he can eat before he goes to work.

He takes the chocolate out of the fridge that Harry asks him to get and opens it up, breaking apart the pieces. He watches as Harry sprinkles some flour out across the work surface before rolling out the dough on top of it. He cuts twelve even little squares out of the dough.

Harry makes the first one to show Louis how it's done. He takes one of the pieces of chocolate and places it in the middle of one of the little dough squares. He brings the four corners in the middle, folding them over the chocolate, pinches them together, then twists.

Louis doesn't think that looks too terribly difficult, so he tries doing the next one. When he pinches and twists the corners it looks as if it was all smushed together, definitely not as artfully done as Harry’s. His little square doesn't have the sharp edges like the one Harry did, his are a little more rounded.

“Well, that’s harder to do than it looks,” Louis admits. “Sorry that mine looks so shitty.”

“It's okay, Lou,” Harry says as he moves on to make another croissant. “Just make sure you eat that one first before anyone else sees it.”

“Hey,” Louis whines. “It’s not that bad.”

They finish making the rest of them, Louis getting marginally better with each one, but still not quite as pretty as Harry’s, but he’s quite proud of his little croissants. Mainly he’s just excited to eat them because they are honestly some of the best things he has ever had the pleasure of eating.

It’s nice spending the little bit of time with Harry. There isn’t as much tension surrounding them as there was the last couple of days and it’s almost like how it was back when they were teenagers. Just being around Harry like this makes Louis feel like he’s sixteen all over again, blushing and nervous about telling his best friend that he might possibly want him to be his boyfriend instead.

They are nowhere near being as close as they were, but it seems like they might be able to at least become friends again.

“Are you still okay with the guys coming over later today?” Harry asks as he’s taking the croissants out of the oven. Louis’ stomach grumbles at the smell of them.

“Yes.” Louis had completely forgotten about inviting them over, but he thinks it’ll help him feel better. He’s still a little off from yesterday.

“Okay, because I went to the shops yesterday after you fell asleep.” Harry moves across the kitchen to the fridge as he talks. “I bought some chicken and burgers that we can grill out.” He opens the fridge to take out the milk for their tea. “I also got one of those jumbo bags of assorted crisps. Oh, and a couple cases of beer too. Niall said he was bringing stuff as well, but if there's anything else you want I can run out to the shops again.”

He says it a little bashfully, suddenly becoming very interested in stirring his tea, as if he's embarrassed that he went out shopping while Louis was asleep. As if Louis would even take the piss out of something like that. The whole cookout has slipped his mind and if it weren't for Harry, he'd be rushing around at the last minute to get everything ready.

Louis didn't think it was possible to love Harry anymore that he already does, but Harry always seems to prove him wrong.

“Thanks, Harry. That sounds great.”

\--

Liam and Niall show up a little past two. Louis is in a pair of red swimming trunks that Harry bought for him while he was food shopping last night, because he didn’t think Louis would have brought any with him from home. Which he didn’t. Harry is almost too thoughtful. How does his heart even fit inside his body. Like, Harry is big but he isn’t _that_  big.

Of course Niall brings a shit ton of food with him and Harry immediately starts cooking some of it on the grill on the back deck.

“Ni!” Louis greets when Niall walks out of the house onto the deck. “So good to see you again, mate.”

“You too, Lou,” Niall says, the Irish lilt in his voice even stronger now that he’s been living in Dublin.

“Now, why don’t you, Liam, and I go for a little swim in the lake while Harry here cooks up all this food for us.”

Both of them agree and they make their way down the stairs to the dock. Louis challenges Niall to see who can jump higher off the end of the dock into the lake. They both start out running down the length of the dock, but right when they get to the end Louis stops while Niall jumps right into the water, splashing it up onto Louis’ legs.

He bends over and places his hands on his knees as he laughs. He used to trick Niall into doing that back when they were in secondary school and he can’t believe he still fell for it. Louis can hear Harry’s loud cackle coming from the deck which just makes him smile and laugh even harder.

Harry joins them in the water after he’s finished cooking, and that’s when Louis decides to take out his grandad’s boat. He’s happy that the motor starts up right away with no problem, but the little boat seems to struggle with the weight of the four of them and it tips over just a few minutes in.

Once they’ve worked up an appetite from swimming and gotten nice and pruny from the lake water, they make their way back to the deck for food. Harry had laid out some towels for them on the back of the chairs around the table that they use to dry off with.

Louis takes a beer out of the cooler and goes for one of the kabobs Harry made with chicken and grilled veggies. Which is the best thing Louis has ever eaten after his croissants and he ends up eating almost all of them.

After they’ve finished eating, they have a little footie match in the side garden. Harry hasn’t seemed to get any better over the years and he continuously trips over his own feet. But Harry and Niall actually win in the end because Louis can’t take his eyes off of Harry long enough to pay attention to where the ball is. He can’t be blamed though, okay. It’s like Harry is trying to make Louis lose his focus. Harry’s skin is golden and glowing underneath the summer sun and his hair is starting to fall out of the bun he threw up right before the game started and he’s _shirtless_  and in nothing but a tiny white pair of swim shorts. It’s unfair really.

When the sun sets, and they’ve changed out of their swim suits into normal clothes, Niall digs out a bag of jumbo marshmallows that they roast over the grill. And it’s nice. Louis’ having a blast. There’s no more tension between him and Harry, but that might be because the other two are here and it’s easing it a little bit. But it feels like he’s right back in secondary school spending the summer with his best mates.

\--

Liam and Niall left a little over an hour ago and now Harry and Louis are lounging on the couch in the living room.

“Why did you do it?”

Louis stills. This is it. The conversation Louis has been dreading to have. He knew it was going to come up eventually, but he was hoping that he could make it back home without it having to happen. And he doesn’t think Harry is going to back down that easily from it. The alcohol in his system isn’t going to make this any easier. He takes a deep breath and just goes for it. “Do what?”

Harry gives him a look like he _knows_  Louis knows what he’s asking about. “Break up with me. Why did you do it?”

Louis sighs. “Harry — ”

“No Louis, I want a straight answer,” Harry cuts Louis off. “I’ve spent the last ten years of my life wondering why. Was it something I did or did you just not want to be with me anymore?” Louis shakes his head, he has never stopped wanting Harry. But Harry doesn't even pay him any attention, just keeps on going. “You broke things off without ever giving me an explanation. I think I deserve that now.”

Harry’s right, he does deserve some answers. Louis owes him that after everything he’s done. But how does he even begin to explain all the things that were going through his head when he broke it off. He was nineteen and stupid and _scared_ , so he just starts with that. “I was scared.”

“Oh, you were scared? And you thought I wasn’t?” Harry pushes out a dry laugh, rubs a palm over his face. “My boyfriend was moving away to another city while I was stuck here in this shitty town. You were going to meet all these hot uni guys and you’d forget about me because I’m just some loser who is still in sixth form.”

He’s wrong. That’s so far from the truth. Louis didn’t even _l_ _ook_  at anyone for _years_. He tries his best to explain it further. “I was just scared of losing you.” As soon as the words are out of his mouth he realizes that wasn’t the right thing to say.

“Well that really worked out well for you didn’t it?” Harry says sarcastically, a little bit of venom sneaking into his voice. “You still lost me and it was all your fault. I knew you'd be going off to uni and I wanted to make it work. I was going to save up my money from cashiering at the market and come visit you during my breaks from school. Christmas break, spring break, whatever. I'd be there. And then in between we could Skype and call each other all the time. I was willing to give it my all, put absolutely everything into it, because that's what I wanted. I wanted to be with you, but when you broke up with me all that came crashing down. You broke my heart, Louis.”

Harry sighs and gets up from the couch and paces back and forth in front of it. “Did you know that I applied to King’s? I'm not sure why I did because it was after we broke up. But I got in. Louis, I got in.” Louis rolls his eyes, of course he got in, Harry was the smartest kid in school. “And for one crazy fucking moment I thought about going, maybe getting back together with you. We could move in together, get a cute little off campus flat, but I knew that wasn't what you wanted because you were too scared to even _try_.”

By the end of Harry’s rant his fists are shaking and clenched by his side, his voice raising with each word. It just snaps something inside of Louis and he feels something hot boil up in his chest. Suddenly he's angry and he doesn't even know why. Because he knows all of this is his fault, and Harry has every right to be upset with him. He jumps up from the couch and stands right in front of Harry.

“You know what, I was scared. I was scared of losing you,” Louis admits. “I knew that if we started the long distance thing it would be too hard. Yeah we could video chat and talk on the phone, but what would happen when we got too busy and missed a Skype date? We'd slowly grow apart and I couldn't have that Harry. I couldn't just let you slip through my fingers.”

Harry is still pacing and it's driving Louis crazy, so he reaches and grips onto Harry’s arm to stop him. “So my stupid nineteen year old brain thought it would be a good idea just to break things off with you right away. If we had a clean break from the start then it would be easier. But I was wrong. I was so fucking wrong. I lost you anyway and that’s what I was most terrified of. Not a single day has gone by that I don't regret what I did. I wish I could take it all back. I never wanted to hurt you.” His voice gets softer as he's finally able to say how he feels, the anger just rushing out of him. “At least you were able to move on and be happy with someone else. I couldn't even do that and I tried _so hard_. I tried dating all these other guys to see if it would help me get over you, but that didn’t work because they weren’t you. I was always comparing them to you but they paled in comparison. Because — ” he throws his arms up in the air “ — because, fuck, Harry you’re  _it_  for me. You’ve always been it for me. Ever since I was sixteen and I realized that I liked you more than a friend. I’m so fucking in love with you it physically hurts sometimes.”

There it is. Everything he’s been feeling over the last ten years, everything he is _still_  feeling is now out in the open. He just opened up his heart and poured everything out on the floor between the two of them. And Harry isn’t doing a single thing, isn’t saying anything, just standing there staring at him.

“God Louis, you’re such an arsehole.” And well, that isn’t exactly how Louis thought this would go. It’s not the first time he’s been called an arsehole and he’s pretty sure it won’t be the last, but right now, coming from Harry after everything he’s just said, it stings a little. “But I love you too.”

Before Louis even has a moment to process those words, Harry is stepping towards him and shoving him up against the wall behind him and crushing their mouths together. The second their lips touch it’s like Louis is transported back to when he was sixteen and laying in the bed of his truck kissing Harry for the very first time.

Their lips still fit together perfectly. Like they were literally made for each other. Louis’ heart is beating so fast he was afraid that it might beat right out of his chest. Harry’s letting out the soft little moans into Louis’s mouth and god, Louis’ missed this.

Harry nibbles on Louis’ bottom lip before pulling back. “Lou, bedroom,” he whispers before diving back in.

It's a little hard to walk down a hallway when you have a giant plastered to your back who's placing sloppy kisses against the back of your neck, but somehow Louis manages. He gets them to the bedroom without falling and he tumbles onto the bed with Harry following suit.   
  
He's face first on the mattress with Harry laying pressed against his back. He is about to ask Harry to get off him, but suddenly the weight on his back is gone and he's being flipped over so fast he gets momentarily dizzy.  
  
He's never been one for being manhandled, but Harry flipping him over as if he weighs nothing makes his already hard cock even harder. It's just that Louis is petite and compact and everything about Harry is so big and broad, and _f_ _uck_ , he didn't think he had a size kink either, but Harry is making him rethink a lot of things. Honestly Louis doesn't think Harry could do anything in bed that would be a turn off.   
  
Harry shoves him up the bed until his head is resting against the pillows and lays out on top of him. He pushes a thigh in between Louis' legs to rub up against his crotch. And _god_  his thighs. Louis wants to munch on them. Just suck so many pretty bruises into the skin of his inner thighs. His mouth is literally salivating with it.   
  
Harry leans in to crash their lips together again. It's hot and desperate and more of a sloppy battle of their tongues than anything else. But it makes Louis melt into the mattress below him. His heart rabbiting in his chest.   
  
He loosens his grip on Harry's hips so he can snake his hands underneath Harry's shirt and up his back. His skin soft and warm beneath his palms. He never thought backs were particularly sexy. A back is just a back. But Harry should be a fucking back model or something because he has one gorgeous back. Especially when he's straight out of the lake. Droplets of water racing down the planes of it. It's fucking mesmerizing.   
  
Louis drags his hands all the way up until they reach Harry's shoulders and his shirt is bunched up underneath his armpits. Harry must get the message because he rips their lips apart for just how long it takes for Louis to take his shirt off and toss it somewhere across the room.    
  
Harry sucks on Louis' bottom lip, nibbling it just slightly with his teeth. That's always been one of Louis' weaknesses. It makes his head swim that Harry still remembers the exact way he likes to be kissed, soft yet insistent, with gentle swipes of tongue and nips of teeth. Sure he's kissed plenty of people between the time they broke up until now, but none of them kissed the way Harry does. And none of them fit together the way they do.   
  
At some point Harry must have shucked off his shorts because when Louis moves his hands down to cup his bum he's met with the soft cotton of his pants and he groans into Harry's mouth. He slips his hands underneath his pants to grip onto Harry’s bum. And he can't take it anymore. He needs something _more_.

“Harry, let's switch places.” Louis meant to say that casually, but he moans out the end when Harry presses down hard with his thigh against Louis’ crotch. And how is he supposed to think clearly now. “Wanna blow you.”

Now it's Harry’s turn to moan. “Fuck. Yeah, okay. Yeah.”

Harry rolls off of him and onto his back, so Louis stands up and undresses himself until he's left in just his pants. When he turns back towards the bed he freezes and his mouth goes dry.

Harry's laid out on the middle of the bed, eyes trained on Louis, completely naked, legs spread wide, and stroking himself lazily.

Louis has seen Harry naked before, but that was ten years ago and Harry has grown up a lot since then. Not just physically but mentally as well. And it's a lot.    
  
It's like the angels or the gods or whoever it was that sculpted Harry took every single thing Louis finds attractive in a man, mixed them all together, and made Harry into actual perfection. A true work of art. He should probably send Anne a fruit basket or a gift card or something to say thank you for having your son.    
  
It's not just his looks either. It's his awful witty sense of humor, his irresistible charm, his big heart and how he's so passionate and cares so deeply about everything. Louis is irrevocably in love with him.

Just like the rest of him, Harry’s cock is something akin to perfect. It's long and thick and so hard. Louis has seen plenty of dicks in his lifetime, but none of them have been even close to being as pretty as Harry’s. Honestly, it needs to be displayed in a museum because it is the most perfect dick in the world. But it is Harry so Louis might be just a tad bit biased.

He settles himself in between Harry’s spread legs and his mouth is literally watering with how badly he wants to get his mouth on him. He ignores Harry’s cock all together and goes straight for his thighs. Louis had been dying to get up close and personal with them since he first saw Harry in the garage.

Just the scent of him drives Louis crazy. Musky and deep but sweet and fresh all at once. It’s heady. He trails kisses along the inside of Harry’s thighs, alternating between light kisses and loves bites. Once he’s done up both sides, he pulls back to admire his work. Several spots are already turning a lovely shade of red. Harry will definitely be able to feel them tomorrow.

Louis shuffles just a bit more up the bed until Harry’s hard cock is right there in front of his face, Harry’s hand still wrapped loosely around the base. Louis’ tongue swipes over his wet head and the moan Harry’ lets out at that is _beautiful_. He bats Harry’s hand away and replaces it with his own — fuck, his fingertips can’t even touch when they’re wrapped around Harry’s girth — and stretches his lips as he guides Harry’s cock into his mouth.

He breathes deeply through his nose as ignores the slight painful stretch of his jaw as he moves further down. Once his mouth touches his hand he stops for a second to let himself adjust. He’s always enjoyed the heavy weight of a cock attached to an attractive man in his mouth, but it has been quite awhile since he’s done this. And it’s Harry, so Louis wants to make this good. Make Harry feel better than he ever has.

Louis’ eyes open and flicker up to Harry, whose head is thrown back against the pillows and his eyes are tightly squeezed shut, brows furrowed. Louis has never seen anymore more gorgeous.

Without any finesse, Louis gets right to it, dragging his mouth up and down, getting faster with every upwards movement. He removes his hand from around the base and places both of his hands firmly against Harry’s hips to control his squirming.

The thing with Harry is that he’s always had this unbridled enthusiasm about him during sex. You’ll never have to worry if he’s enjoying himself or not, he’ll let you know with the sounds he makes. At first Louis thought that because they were each other’s firsts, that because it was such a new thing for him, that Harry hadn’t yet learned how to control his noises, but that’s just the way he is. He’s so shameless about it too, doesn’t care if he’s being too loud, he wants you to know that you’re making him feel good. And Louis must be doing just that because Harry keeps humming out these low throaty moans that won't stop bouncing around inside Louis’ head.

Louis’ pulls all the way off for a breather. He jerks Harry’s slowly with one hand while his tongue swirls around the tip. When he sinks back down, Louis’ teeth catch on the bump under Harry’s cock and Harry groans as his hips buck up, shoving himself further down Louis’ throat. Louis recovers fairly quickly, but he can’t help the spit that dribbles out of his mouth and runs down Harry’s length. He’s always liked it messy anyway.

He works up and down Harry’s cock for a few minutes, and he feels like he finally has a good system down. He alternates between sucking and licking, and Harry certainly seems to enjoy it if the way he can’t keep still is anything to go by. The obscene slurping noises are filling the room and mixing with the moans falling from Harry’s lips and it’s getting to be quite a lot for Louis. He’s hot. Both literally and figuratively. He can feel the sweat pooling in the dip of his back and he has to rut down against the mattress to relieve some of the pressure on his own cock.

The hand that isn’t still wrapped around the base of Harry’s dick, comes up to cup Harry’s balls. Louis still remembers how sensitive they are.

“Ah,” Harry inhales quickly. “Lou, stop. You have to stop.”

“What’s wrong?” Louis’ voice comes out roughly and he coughs a couple times to try and clear it.

“Nothing,” Harry says dazedly. “I’m just getting really close. Don’t want to come yet.”

“Oh, okay. How do you—”

“Want to come on your cock.”

_Oh_.

“Yeah, okay,” Louis stops and takes a deep breath. “We can — yeah we can do that.”

Louis has to take a second to regain his composure. He’s so incredibly turned on he feels just seconds away from coming and he hasn’t even touched his cock yet, hasn’t taken off his boxers yet. After he’s cleared some of the sex fog from his head, he takes the pointer finger on his right hand and runs it in between Harry’s cheeks and he watches as Harry’s breath hitches as it dryly drags across his hole.

His fingers are literally itching with the need to be inside of Harry. He crawls his way up Harry’s body and stops to give him a few soft pecks on the lips before pulling open the drawer of the nightstand. And that’s when he remembers he’s not in his bedroom in his flat when he doesn’t find condoms and lube in the drawer and instead all there is inside the drawer are a pair of old glasses, a bottle of lotion, a notebook, and a few pens. Maybe they can use the lotion, but surely that isn’t made to go up someone’s arse. He scrunches his nose at the thought.

“Harry, love,” he pats Harry’s cheek to get his attention. “I don’t have any stuff.” Bringing lube with you on your trip home when you’re attending a funeral doesn’t seem very appropriate. Besides, it was literally the farthest thing from Louis’ mind when he was hastily throwing things into his suitcase.

A deep frown settles onto Harry’s face, but just as quickly as that appeared, it morphs into a wide grin. “I do.” He gently rolls Louis off of him and Louis watches from the bed as Harry takes his wallet out of the pocket of his shorts that he discarded on the floor earlier. He bites his lips as he opens it and searches through the folds and then beams when he pulls out two little foil packets of lube and a condom.

Louis quirks an eyebrow. “You just carry that stuff around with you?”

“You never know when the moment is going to strike.” Harry tosses his wallet on top of his shorts.

Louis tries not to think about Harry using those things with his ex—or really anyone who isn’t him—as Harry clumsily gets back on the bed. “Well I guess you’re topping then.” Harry snaps his head up to look at him. “Your dick’s kind of fucking huge, mate. Doubt that thing will fit me.” Louis nods his head towards the condom. He’s never considered himself small, he’s got quite a nice cock thank you very much, and he definitely hasn’t heard any complaints, but he’s sure everyone in the world is small compared to Harry.

“Oh,” Harry says quietly. “Are you sure? We’ve never—”

“Yeah, I know we’ve never done it that way,” Louis says, placing his hand on top of Harry’s to stop him from fiddling with the foil packets. Whenever they used to be together, Harry was always the one who bottomed. Louis had wanted to try it the other way around, but he was afraid that was something that Harry didn’t want, so he never bothered to mention it. “But I have bottomed before and I quite like it.”

Harry nods and Louis thinks it’s more to himself than to Louis. “Alright. Can you get on your hands and knees for me please?”

Louis chuckles at Harry’s nicely phrased question but obliges. He shoves his pants down his legs and throws them off somewhere in the room and settles on his hands and knees, his head hanging down between his shoulders. He groans deep in his throat when he feels Harry’s big hands cupping both of his arse cheeks spreading them apart.

He expects to feel a wet finger next because he heard the crumpling sound of the foil packets, but he mewls as his arms give out and he face plants into the pillow when he feels a tongue instead. Harry’s not holding back either just going right in, licking fat and fast stripes across Louis’ hole that makes his head spin.

Once Harry’s made him sufficiently wet, he pulls back a few inches and just breathes over Louis’ wet hole. Hot puffs of air against his skin make Louis’ entire body shudder. Then Harry dives back in and begins licking him in earnest again.

Louis has always had a weakness for rimming, both giving and receiving—okay maybe a little bit more for receiving—even though he hasn’t experienced much of it. He always thought it too intimate for a one night stand so he didn’t really get into it until his first real boyfriend after Harry and he _l_ _oved_  it. But that was absolutely nothing compared to now. He’s well on his way to losing his mind. God, does Harry know how to use his tongue and it’s fucking clever as all hell.

Harry’s hands are still holding their firm grip on each cheek keeping Louis apart and he’s swirling his tongue around the puckered skin like Louis is the best thing he’s ever tasted. Spit runs down his crack and onto his balls making Louis feel absolutely filthy.

Harry points his tongue and shoves it inside as far as it can go. Louis grinds his hips back against it and whimpers into the pillow. Harry hums lowly and Louis can feel the vibrations from it all the way to the tips of his fingers. Harry wiggles his tongue in and out and places a soft kiss on Louis’ hole before pushing back in.

When Louis feels the scrape of teeth against his rim is when he officially loses it. He sobs and his mind goes hazy, his cock blurting out precome making him even more of a mess. And Harry is just fucking _relentless_  with it, never slowing down, just licking in and out of Louis like his life depends on it. How can he even breathe. Because Louis’ having a hard time with that and he doesn’t have his tongue buried in someone's arse.

Out of nowhere, Harry starts to push a finger in alongside his tongue. He slowly works that in and once it’s up to the knuckle, Harry slips out his tongue and replaces it with another finger, stretching Louis out further. Louis whines as Harry rocks into him with shallow thrusts.

“You look so hot like this, Lou,” Harry praises, his voice hot and raspy. “With your arse up in the air.”

Louis can’t keep his high whines at bay. He knows he sounds needy and desperate, but Harry is literally making him fall apart. His thighs are shaking like mad and he’s not sure if he can stay up much longer.

Harry adds a third finger, the stretch burning deliciously. He quickly fucks them in and out and sparks fly behind Louis’ closed eyelids when they bump up against that sweet spot inside of him. That’s about all Louis can take.

“Fuck, stop. I’m ready.” He sounds wrecked already. “Wanna ride you.”

Harry pulls his fingers out and Louis hopes he didn’t just whimper out loud at the loss. He feels hands on his hips helping to flip him over onto his back. Louis slowly blinks his eyes open and sees Harry hovering above him, sweaty curls tumbling around his face and tickling Louis’ cheeks. His breath is literally knocked out of him by how beautiful Harry is. He places a hand on the back of Harry’s neck to close the distance between them and seal their lips together. The kiss is soft and so intimate it has Louis’ toes curling into the sheets.

“Want you to ride me too,” Harry says when their lips slip apart. “Can we do it a little differently though? I still want to be able to kiss you and touch you and stuff.”

When Harry has propped himself up with his back against this pillows, his legs out straight in front of him, Louis hands him the condom and the last packet of lube. Harry rolls the condom on fairly quickly, a low moan emiting from deep in his throat that makes Louis shiver. He spills the entirety of the lube on his cock, using his hand to spread it around. He then looks up at Louis and smiles this big dopey smile, points to his dick, and waggles his eyebrows. Wow, Louis is in love with an idiot.

Louis swings a leg over Harry, his knees tucked on either side of Harry’s hips. With Harry’s back straight, their chests are pressed together, and Louis likes that. Likes being this close, but he hopes Harry can’t feel his erratic heartbeat against his own. Harry wraps his arms around Louis’ lower back and shoves him just a bit more forward. Their cocks rub against each other between them and both of their moans are captured into the other’s mouth as they meet in a kiss.

Their lips break apart just so Louis can rise up on his knees to angle Harry’s cock just right. He locks his eye with Harry’s when he feels the blunt force of it pushing into him, but he has to squeeze them shut when it finally starts to slide in, looping his arms around Harry’s neck.

It’s, god, it’s thick in him, stretching him out so much but _so good_. He bites his lip and he sinks down and what feels like hours later, he finds himself seated in Harry’s lap, his cock buried deep inside of him. Louis literally can’t breathe, mind too hazy to think, everything around him screeches to a halt. All he can do is tuck his face into Harry’s neck and whimper.

“Christ, you’re massive,” Louis mumbles into Harry’s neck.

“You okay?” Harry asks softly but a little strained, his hands that were placed firmly on Louis’ hips are now sliding up and down his sweaty back.

“Yeah, just—” he stops to take a deep breath. “Just give me a minute.”

Harry turns his head slightly to kiss Louis’ cheek. “Take your time.”

Once he’s used to being fuller than he ever has in his life and the slight burn fades into something a little more bearable, he pulls his head back to look at Harry. And it’s too much. Harry’s looking at him with these big earnest eyes, something deep in them that’s almost _fond_ , and Louis can’t take it. He leans his forehead against Harry’s and slowly lifts his hips.

The drag in him feels beautiful, there’s really no other word to describe it, Harry’s cock rubbing him in all the right places. Every time he sinks down again, it draws out the most glorious groans from Harry.

It’s starting to feel too good way too fast so Louis stays seated and moves his hips in small circles, trembling whenever his cock messily rubs against Harry’s abs. He has to pull Harry in for a sloppy, uncoordinated kiss or else he’ll say something stupid. Harry already knows Louis loves him, he only just admitted it an hour ago. And even though Harry said it back, Louis’ doesn’t know if it’s in the same way as him. Even if it is, Louis’ positive Harry doesn’t feel it as intensely as he does. It’s like fire shooting up his spin and igniting through his veins.

He starts bouncing on Harry’s cock, riding him hard and fast, making the most embarrassing whines into Harry’s ear. When he comes down, Harry fucks up into him at the same time, and he hits Louis’ prostate dead on. Louis throws his head back and wails, his fingers tangling in Harry’s curls.

“Feel good?” Harry smugly asks as he does it _again_. Louis is going to pass out.

“So fucking good. You arsehole,” Louis reprimands.

Harry laughs but that quickly changes to a moan when Louis clenches tightly around him. Serves him right.

Louis gets back to it, bouncing up and down. He’s beginning to get uncoordinated, Harry almost slipping out when he comes up a little too far. His thighs are burning, but he can’t stop, wants to find that perfect angle.

Out of nowhere, Harry scoops him up in his arms and he’s landing flat on his back on the mattress, Harry hovering only inches above him. Louis doesn't even have time to be thankful for relief on his thighs before Harry is slamming back into him.

He gets shoved a bit across the bed, his head dangerously close to falling off the edge, but he doesn’t even care because Harry’s fucking him so rough and deep that it’s driving him crazy. It’s an effort to keep his eyes open, but he doesn’t want to miss anything. He’s transfixed by how gorgeous Harry is above him, face flushed, hair disheveled, and chest heaving.

Louis’ back arches when Harry nudges against his prostate. “Harry,” he whispers. Apparently Harry knows exactly what Louis’ trying to say because he brings his hand in between their bodies to take ahold of Louis’ cock. He tightens his fist and tugs diligently.

This is the most intense and emotional sex Louis has ever had and he’s so overwhelmed that tears spring up in the corner of his eyes when he comes hard into Harry’s fist. He hugs Harry with his legs, his whole body shaking with the intensity of his orgasm. A few moments later, Harry’s hips still and he bites into Louis’ shoulder and he comes with a grunt.

They’re kind of gross, their sweat mixing together and Louis’ come splattered between them, but neither of them move. Harry’s panting heavily into Louis’ neck as he comes down. And Louis is trying to blink away the tears in his eyes before Harry notices. Luckily Harry just gives his neck and few kisses before pulling out and rolling off him.

“That was incredible,” Harry breathes out.

Incredible is a little bit of an understatement. “Yeah,” Louis replies. He doesn’t really trust himself to say anything more than that. Harry’s got his eyes closed and Louis sees this as his opportunity to get away unnoticed. He gets up from the bed and hobbles his way into the bathroom.

He takes a look at himself in the mirror and he’s a right mess. There’s sweat dripping down his face, hair askew and sticking in multiple directions, and his eyes are red and puffy. There’s also a few bruises in the exact shape of Harry’s mouth forming on his neck and chest.

Sighing, he turns on the tap in the sink and splashes his face with water. He takes the pink hand towel off the hook and dries his face with it before running that under the water. He then uses it to clean the rest of his body.

After taking a few calming breaths, he makes his way back into the bedroom. Harry still hasn’t moved from the spot he was in when Louis left. He isn’t moving besides the slow rise and fall of his chest as he breathes and Louis thinks he’s fallen asleep until he lets out a long and happy sigh.

“I see that you’re still completely useless after you’ve come,” Louis points as he tosses the flannel to Harry.

“You say that like you expect me to run a marathon or something.” Harry grabs the flannel from where it landed right next to his hip. “Give me a break I just came my brains out.”

Louis was pulling the sheets back on the bed so he can climb in underneath them but he stops at Harry’s words. “Your brains?”

Harry looks up at him as if he just grew a second head. “Um, did you miss the part where I was inside of you?”

Nope, Louis definitely didn’t miss that, can practically still feel it.

Once Harry’s cleaned himself and thrown out the used condom, he crawls in under the sheets next to Louis, pulling him close to his body. Louis lays his head down on Harry’s chest and falls asleep within a matter of minutes.

\--

His arms stretch up above his head when he wakes up, his back and bum pleasantly sore. There is no light filtering in through the windows so it must only be the early hours of the morning. He rolls onto his side to cuddle closer against Harry’s body before drifting back to sleep, but he frowns when he finds the other side of the bed empty. The sheets are still warm, so Harry probably hasn’t been gone for long.

Louis’ gaze travels towards the bathroom, the door is standing open and the lights are off, so Harry isn't in there. He swings his legs over the side of the bed and stands. He pulls on a pair joggers and a shirt that must be Harry’s because it’s quite big on him.

He makes his way down the hallway and towards the kitchen. He expects Harry to be there because he remembers him mentioning that he sometimes bakes when he can’t sleep, but when Louis rounds the corner the kitchen is dark and empty just like the rest of the house. The clock on the microwave tells him it's just past two in the morning. They’d only been asleep for a little over two hours.

He's about to head out front to see if Harry's car is still parked outside, but something out of the corner of his eye catches his attention. Through the windows in the living room he can see the back porch light is on and he can just barely make out the shape of someone sitting at the end of the dock.

Sliding open the back door, Louis walks across the porch and down the steps that lead to the dock. Once he reaches the end, he sits down on the edge next to Harry and rolls the bottom of his joggers up so he can stick his feet into the water. 

Harry hasn't looked up from where his hands are fiddling with his phone, his shoulders are tense and he's hunched in on himself. Louis can tell that something isn't quite right.

“I expected to find you in the kitchen baking,” Louis laughs but stops himself when Harry doesn't laugh along with him. “Couldn't sleep?”

“No. I was actually sleeping really well, but I got a phone call,” he lifts up his phone towards Louis as if he's trying to prove that he really got a call. “And that woke me up.”

“You got a phone call at two in the morning?” Louis hopes everything is okay. Who would call this early unless there was an emergency? But seeing as how Harry is sitting here instead of racing off to the hospital or something, he figures it's nothing to worry about. 

“It was my ex.” Louis’ heart deflates a little at that. “She's in California, which is eight hours behind, and she didn't know I was here so.”

“Oh. What did she want? Is everything okay?”

“No. Well yes. I mean, she's fine, but,” he stops and sighs, shifts a little uncomfortably, and Louis tries to ignore how Harry still hasn't looked at him. “We aren't technically broken up. Well we are, but there was a possibility that we might get back together.” Louis’ heart is one hundred percent deflated now, just a wimpy little balloon that hasn’t yet been blown up hanging limply in his chest.

“Our relationship was getting a little rocky,” Harry elaborates. Not like Louis asked him to. He’s not sure if he really wants to hear this. “We decided to break things off for awhile and if we weren’t happy without each other we’d get back together. But it’s been a little over a year since then and I haven’t even seen her since we broke up. Plus, I heard from some of our mutual friends that she’s been with this guy pretty much the whole time. So I didn’t think there was any chance of us getting back together. I was starting to move on.”

Louis knows what’s coming next before Harry even says it. “That phone call was her telling me that she wants me back.” Yup, that’s it. And it hurts a lot more than Louis thought it would.

They sit in silence for awhile after that, Louis not even sure what to say. He knew they weren’t just going to get back together after last night. As much as he would have liked that, _l_ _oved_  that, he knew it was highly unlikely. There’s still too many things unresolved between them for it to go back to they way it used to be.

Last night didn’t mean anything. They both had a few drinks and they let their emotions take complete control. It was nothing. Even though it felt like everything to Louis.

“I’m really sorry Lou,” Harry says, breaking the silence. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. Or lead you on. I guess that’s what I did.”

“It’s okay,” Louis shrugs, even though it hurts. It hurts a lot. “I guess I sort of deserve it after all the shit I put you through.”

“What? No,” Harry says aghast, like he’s actually upset by what Louis just said. “This wasn’t some sort of revenge. I would never intentionally hurt you like that or manipulate you. Or anyone for that matter.”

Louis knows that. Harry is way too fucking good of a person to ever do that. But that doesn’t make his heart stop from shattering over and over.

“So are you going to go back to her?” Louis asks. He’s watching the reflection of the moon ripple on the surface of the lake. It’s somehow helping him stay held together.

“I really don’t know what I’m going to do,” Harry replies. “I just need some time. You know, to think and stuff.”

Louis nods. He can feel Harry looking at him now, but he doesn’t want to move his eyes away from the water.

“I think I’m just going to head home,” Harry sighs. “My flight is at eight and I still need to pack. And I want to spend some time with my mum before I leave.” He sees Harry stand out of the corner of his eye. “Well, it was really nice to see you again, Lou.” Louis still doesn't say anything, just keeps his eyes locked on the lake. Harry must realize that he isn’t going to talk because he sighs again and continues. “I guess I’ll see you around.” And then he’s walking back up the dock towards the house.

He doesn’t know how long he’s sat out there when he finally heads back to the house. He just throws all his stuff into his suitcase, deciding to spend the last few hours he has before his train leaves for London with his family. Maybe he can get Ernest to show him that video game.

Hopefully his mum will appreciate the little bit he and Harry got packed away. They didn’t do most of the upstairs or the master bedroom where he slept, but he thinks they did quite a lot in the short amount of time they had. And he’s suddenly not so sad about his mum selling this house anymore. He doesn't ever want to come back here.

The picture Harry’s mum gave him at the funeral is still sitting in the passenger’s seat when Louis gets into his car. He takes it and shoves it all the way to the bottom of his bag so he doesn't have to look at it. It’s even harder to take now than it was earlier.

Everyone is asleep when he gets back to the house, which he was expecting. The clock in the car said it was almost six. He quietly climbs the stairs, making sure to skip the squeaky step, and goes into his old room. He gets into bed and doesn’t sleep a wink.

The following day Louis has a very long and tearful goodbye with his mum before she leaves for work and afterwards he spends as much time as possible with the twins before he leaves for the train station. He drops the twins off at the neighbour’s and she is gracious enough to give him a lift to the station.

The train ride home seems twice as long as it did before because now that he has nothing to occupy himself with, all he’s able to do is think of Harry. Louis knew Harry would be in town for the funeral, there’s no way Harry would have missed it, so he knew they would be seeing each other. But he thought it would just be a glance across the church during the funeral and maybe some awkward conversation and that would be it. He didn’t think it would happen the way it actually did.

He didn’t think he would be spending so much time with Harry. And he seems to have fallen even harder for Harry than he thought possible. He was head over heels in love with Harry back in sixth form, but this feels deeper somehow. Harry is still the same goofy and loveable teenager Louis used to know him as, but he’s grown up so well and he’s so much more now and Louis is absolutely fucked.

There’s already a few cabs waiting outside the station when he gets to his stop. He climbs in the back of one and gives the driver his address. When he steps inside his flat he heads straight for the bedroom. He’s exhausted because he didn’t get any sleep the night before.

He settles into his bed and checks his phone. He has a text from his mum asking if he made it home okay which he quickly replies to. After he sets his phone on the nightstand is when he realizes he’s still wearing Harry’s shirt.

\--  
  


It’s raining. One of those summer rainstorms where it just pours and pours but the sun is still shining. Of course the sun isn’t out right now because it’s ten at night, but it’s still pouring and Louis can hear it pounding down on the roof above him since he lives on the top floor. Funny how the weather always seems to mock him.

He hasn't been able to sleep very much since he got home, so he just stays curled up on his sofa and sleeps here and there until it’s time for him to leave for work. And he’s so happy to be back at work, happy for the distraction. He can just focus on his current projects and not have to worry about thinking of _other_  things.

Louis is on his couch now, under a blanket while he rewatches Breaking Bad on Netflix. He isn’t really paying attention to it though, he just turned it on to have something to do. Jesse is yelling at Mr White about something, Louis’ not really sure what, when there is a knock at his door.

He frowns because he’s not expecting anyone and it’s a little late for someone to just stop by for a surprise visit. But nonetheless, he throws the blanket off himself and shuffles his way through the kitchen to his door.

He has to blink a few times to make sure he isn’t hallucinating when he opens the door and sees who is standing on the other side.

“Harry? What the hell are you doing here?”

“Your mum gave me your address,” Harry says as if that answers the question as to why he’s here in London when Louis was pretty sure he got on a plane two days ago to go back to California.

He’s drenched from the rain. The curly ends of his hair are dripping onto his shirt which is already soaked through and clinging to his stomach like a second skin.

“How did you even get into the building?” Louis asks.

“There was a lady going out as I was coming in.”

Louis can’t even fathom why Harry is _here_ , but he is and he’s shivering and dripping wet in the hallway, so he steps back to invite him inside. “Jesus, come in then. You’re soaked. I’ll get you some dry clothes.”

Harry steps inside and awkwardly stands in the kitchen, his eyes never leaving the floor. Louis watches him for a second to make sure he doesn’t run off before he goes to get him some clothes to change into.

He just takes out the first shirt and pair of trousers he finds, grabs a clean pair of pants, and as a last second thought he takes one of the towels out of the cabinet in his bathroom.

When Louis gets back to kitchen, Harry is still standing there dripping onto the floor.

“Here’s a towel and some clothes. There’s a bathroom down this hall if you want to cha — ” He cuts himself off when Harry strips off his shirt and goes to unbuckle his belt right here in the middle of the kitchen. Louis politely averts his gaze while Harry changes. “If you give me your wet clothes I’ll throw them in the dryer.”

He leads Harry into his living room and tells him to wait for him on the couch. He puts Harry’s wet clothes in the dryer and tries not to think about how seeing Harry in his clothes makes him feel. When he returns to the living room he takes the blanket he was using earlier and drapes it over Harry’s shoulders. “You must be freezing.” Harry gives him a weak smile in return. “So why are you here?”

“I quit my job.”

Louis’ mouth drops open. With the way Harry has always talked about his job, it seemed liked he really loved it. “What? Why?”

“And I broke the lease on my flat,” Harry continues, not bothering to answer Louis’ question. “I had to pay the next two months rent to do it, so I chipped a little bit away from my salon funds, but oh well. I packed all my stuff up, put it in a moving van, caught the first flight to London and now I’m here.”

“Wait,” Louis puts both his hands in the air, palms facing Harry. “You came all the way here from _California_?” Harry nods. “Why the hell did you do that?”

He looks up at Louis for the first time since he showed up at his door. “Because I’m in love with you, you idiot. And I want to be with you.”

Louis fish-mouths for a moment, his brain temporarily shut down. “You do?”

“Of course I do,” Harry sighs and snuggles further into the blanket. “As much as I hated what you did, I could never hate _you_. As much as I tried, and god did I try, I just couldn’t, because I loved you too much. I still do. I never stopped. There was always this part of me that still loved you.

“I was happy with my ex, I was, but it was nothing like what it was like with you. And I think I just stayed with her for as long as I did because I was trying to prove to myself that I was over you but deep down I knew I really wasn’t.” Harry’s voice gets softer as he continues. “And spending the last few days with you at the lake house was incredible. When I saw you for the first time in the garage after all those years it was like I was falling in love with you all over again. That’s why I was so hesitant to talk with you about our lives and stuff because I knew once I started I wouldn’t be able to stop.”

He picks at the bright yellow nail polish still lingering on his thumbnail. “I realized why I was so upset on the plane and why I was so reluctant to go home. It was because I was leaving you and I didn’t know when I would be able to see you again. As soon as I landed I went straight to my ex’s house and told her how I felt. She knew about you, knew you were the last person I dated before her, but she didn’t know the extent of it. I told her everything and she was so great about it. She was actually the one that pushed me to just go to you.”

He swallows and squares his eyes on Louis’ face. “So Louis please tell me that this is what you want too. Please tell me that I didn’t just quit my job for nothing and I didn’t just make the biggest mistake of my life.”

Louis looks at Harry, sitting here on his couch wet and cold and _vulnerable_ , leaving everything out in the open. His heart is beating so loudly he wouldn't be surprised if Harry could hear it. He surges forward, closing the distance between them and presses his lips against Harry’s, kissing him deep and thorough.

The blanket tangles between their legs as Louis lays out half on top of Harry. “There’s nothing I want more than to be with you,” Louis says. “That’s literally all I have wanted since I was sixteen.”

Harry blushes and giggles. “Good.” He kisses the tip of Louis’ nose. “I hope you know this isn’t going to be easy though. You’re going to have to work really hard to prove to me that you’re in this for real. And it’s going to take awhile for me to fully trust you again.”

“I will. I’ll work extra hard every day because I can’t lose you again.” Louis kisses Harry again just because he can. “I will spend the rest of my life proving to you that I want this. That I want _you_. I love you so much, Harry. You’re the most important thing in my life and I’m sorry I ruined it. We could have been together all this time.”

“Shh.” Harry places a finger against Louis’ lips. “Don’t talk about that. I’m over it. Let’s just focus on the present.”

Louis nods, he can do that. And presently Harry is _here_  in London, in his flat, and he wants to be in Louis’ life again. He goes in to kiss Harry again because he has to make up for the last ten years he spent not kissing Harry. What an idiot. Why would he ever give that up?

“I’ll have to find a job,” Harry says a little while later while they’re cuddled together eating pasta Louis made them and continuing the Breaking Bad marathon. “Hopefully there’s a salon here that will be willing to hire me. And oh my god,” he drops his fork and his eyes widen. “I’m going to have to find a place to live as well. I don’t even think I can afford to live in the city. London is really expensive. And I’ll probably have to commute to—”

Louis shuts him up with a kiss that tastes distinctly like tomato sauce. “Harry, don’t be an idiot. You can live here. With me.”

Harry turns to look at him, his gaze serious. “Are you sure?”

“Absolutely,” Louis nods. “I told you I’m going to prove to you that I’m serious about us. So it’ll just be easier for you to live here.”

“Okay,” Harry says, giving in fairly easily. “As soon as I find a job I’ll start paying half of the rent.”

“That’s fine. Now,” Louis turns the telly off and sets their empty plates on the coffee table and grabs Harry’s hand. “Let’s go to sleep. In _our_ bed.”

Harry beams and his dimple pops up on his cheek. Louis leans in to brush his lips over it which only causes Harry’s smile to widen. Louis is so in love with him.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm [ireallysawanangel](http://ireallysawanangel.tumblr.com) on tumblr, so come say hi!  
> [Here](http://ireallysawanangel.tumblr.com/post/149032587649) is a little tumblr post you can reblog if you'd like!


End file.
